Woman in a Studio

My rendering of 'Woman in a Room' by Pierre Bonnard. Click here to see the original.

Do I love being an artist or do I love the idea of being an artist? I do love art. I do love creating things. But as far as being the real deal, have I been completely honest with myself? What else do I think I love about being an artist?

Being true to myself, being my true self

Putting my natural talents to use

Creating things that are an extention of me

Getting recognition for my work

Finishing something I started

Finding something I lost

Having a creative aura that even strangers see

Running with an artsy crowd

Wrapping myself in a creative environment

Feeling proud of what I do and what I am

And getting to have a really kick-ass studio!

That last one might be the most honest. Sometimes I think the only reason I want to be an artist is because I want to have a studio, since I love decorating. But shouldn't I be a little uncomfortable with how pretentious that is? how materialistic? I felt that way until I read this:

In the course of an interview, [an artist] said: "I am not sure whether the word 'vocation' exactly applies to me. At that time I had not quite realized that I wanted to be a painter. I think that what attracted me then was less art itself than the artistic life, with all that I thought it meant in terms of free expression of imagination and freedom to live as one pleased. Of course I had been attracted by painting and drawing for a long time, without this becoming an irresistible passion: at any cost however I wanted to escape from a monotonous existence."

Sounds a little phony, doesn't it? Until you consider that the artist was the great French Impressionist Pierre Bonnard. So there you go. Whatever your bliss, follow it. It will lead to all the other blisses you should be following.

If we choose to pursue something new - a career, a relationship, a place - only to find we chose wrong, WE are not wrong for having made that choice. Life is a series of choices, of trying new things, a map of many paths. We will never find out if a path is right unless we take it, and the more paths we take, the more fantastic the journey will be. Our one whole life is made up of many smaller lives, which we are born into by reinventing ourselves over and over.

And, damn it, if a kick-ass studio is what it takes, then it's high time for me to kick my ass into one!